Opinion: The end of online dating

After over two months in the world of online dat­ing, I have had enough. I know online dat­ing has worked for a lot of peo­ple, includ­ing one of my best friends, who hap­pens to be plan­ning his wed­ding as I type. It is just not for me.

It is easy to “meet” peo­ple, but it is generic. It feels like shop­ping, which I hate. More than that, I would equate it to clothes shop­ping with­out try­ing them on. You may think you like it, but when you try it on later, its crap.

In the name of research, I sorted through over one hun­dred mes­sages from dif­fer­ent men. Some were easy to dis­miss. As a rule I avoided any mes­sages sim­i­lar to this one, “I’m a bi male who loves to read and I def want to fuck you, you down?” Absolutely not. “I have ropes. Wanna fuck?” Although ropes peaked my curios­ity, I passed on that propo­si­tion as well.

Why is it so hard to meet a “nor­mal” man? Maybe a man with “aver­age” in his user­name would be a safe bet. “Do u mind that I’m older (I’m 39) or mar­ried? Just look­ing for a sec­ond chance at hap­pi­ness and love again. She’s not very sex­ual or affec­tion­ate and I am. And she doesn’t want kids and I do. Text me if you want…”

Where do I start with this one.  First of all, he casu­ally drops the fact that he is mar­ried and it seems as if it is almost an after­thought. Then he adds the humil­i­at­ing bit about her sex­u­al­ity. That poor woman prob­a­bly has no idea that her creep of a hus­band is solic­it­ing sex on the inter­net or that he is divulging per­sonal infor­ma­tion about her to a com­plete stranger. Per­haps it is the fem­i­nist in me, but I don’t think her lack of sex­u­al­ity is on her. He is an arro­gant, nar­cis­sis­tic indi­vid­ual who prob­a­bly has no idea how to sat­isfy a woman. I can imag­ine their sex­ual encoun­ters only serve to plea­sure him.

Finally, she doesn’t want kids, which I am also inclined to blame on him. I wouldn’t want to have a child with a pig either. He says he wants kids. Is he infer­ring that he wants to get another woman preg­nant on the side? Is he try­ing to start a new fam­ily? The whole sit­u­a­tion is creepy. News­flash: there is a lit­tle some­thing called divorce. I passed on that screwed up dynamic.

A junior high teacher mes­saged me about lit­er­a­ture. He seemed intel­li­gent and friendly, the per­fect can­di­date for cof­fee and con­ver­sa­tion. I gave him my phone num­ber so we could set some­thing up. Lit­tle did I know, I would be deal­ing with a clinger. Just from his text mes­sages, I could tell he was the type of clinger who freaked out when his text mes­sage was not imme­di­ately replied to. He would wait ten min­utes and send a “?”, that pissed me off. God for­bid I take a shower and leave my phone in the other room. In my expe­ri­ence clingers turn into con­trollers, so I had to end it before it began. After a cou­ple days of legit­i­mately ignor­ing his texts, he got the hint.

I did man­age to find an aver­age guy in a sea of creep­ers. We met for cof­fee for less than an hour. Although he had his life together, there was no chem­istry. It was just an awk­ward Q and A that I dom­i­nated. I would have rather sat through a job inter­view. We said good­bye know­ing that we would never talk to each other again, which was just fine with me.

Did this expe­ri­ence dis­il­lu­sion me? Absolutely not, I am in no hurry to set­tle down and nobody else should be either. If you can’t be happy on your own, then you aren’t ready for a relationship.

Image cour­tesy of Jen­nifer Brigan — The Stinger
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