Opinion: The end of online dating

Jennifer Brigan -- The Stinger

After over two months in the world of online dating, I have had enough. I know online dating has worked for a lot of people, including one of my best friends, who happens to be planning his wedding as I type. It is just not for me.

It is easy to “meet” people, but it is generic. It feels like shopping, which I hate. More than that, I would equate it to clothes shopping without trying them on. You may think you like it, but when you try it on later, its crap.

In the name of research, I sorted through over one hundred messages from different men. Some were easy to dismiss. As a rule I avoided any messages similar to this one, “I’m a bi male who loves to read and I def want to fuck you, you down?” Absolutely not. “I have ropes. Wanna fuck?” Although ropes peaked my curiosity, I passed on that proposition as well.

Why is it so hard to meet a “normal” man? Maybe a man with “average” in his username would be a safe bet. “Do u mind that I’m older (I’m 39) or married? Just looking for a second chance at happiness and love again. She’s not very sexual or affectionate and I am. And she doesn’t want kids and I do. Text me if you want…”

Where do I start with this one.  First of all, he casually drops the fact that he is married and it seems as if it is almost an afterthought. Then he adds the humiliating bit about her sexuality. That poor woman probably has no idea that her creep of a husband is soliciting sex on the internet or that he is divulging personal information about her to a complete stranger. Perhaps it is the feminist in me, but I don’t think her lack of sexuality is on her. He is an arrogant, narcissistic individual who probably has no idea how to satisfy a woman. I can imagine their sexual encounters only serve to pleasure him.

Finally, she doesn’t want kids, which I am also inclined to blame on him. I wouldn’t want to have a child with a pig either. He says he wants kids. Is he inferring that he wants to get another woman pregnant on the side? Is he trying to start a new family? The whole situation is creepy. Newsflash: there is a little something called divorce. I passed on that screwed up dynamic.

A junior high teacher messaged me about literature. He seemed intelligent and friendly, the perfect candidate for coffee and conversation. I gave him my phone number so we could set something up. Little did I know, I would be dealing with a clinger. Just from his text messages, I could tell he was the type of clinger who freaked out when his text message was not immediately replied to. He would wait ten minutes and send a “?”, that pissed me off. God forbid I take a shower and leave my phone in the other room. In my experience clingers turn into controllers, so I had to end it before it began. After a couple days of legitimately ignoring his texts, he got the hint.

I did manage to find an average guy in a sea of creepers. We met for coffee for less than an hour. Although he had his life together, there was no chemistry. It was just an awkward Q and A that I dominated. I would have rather sat through a job interview. We said goodbye knowing that we would never talk to each other again, which was just fine with me.

Did this experience disillusion me? Absolutely not, I am in no hurry to settle down and nobody else should be either. If you can’t be happy on your own, then you aren’t ready for a relationship.

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