Beware of Creepers

There is something to be said for a man who strikes up a conversation with, “I’m a gentleman. I won’t put my penis near your face, unless you want me to.” I don’t believe “gentleman” is an accurate word to describe this man’s character. Pig comes to mind.

It is men like this that make a trip to the bar amusing. He is not the only creeper I’ve encountered in my evenings out. It is precisely the reason I choose to ignore all manner of flirtation when alcohol is involved.

For instance, rather than mingle with a group of drunk frat boys on Halloween, I boldly sat alone. That is, until I was approached by a sweet, eccentric senior citizen with a great big beard. He asked to sit next to me and I thought, “Why not? A little kindness could make his night.”

We had a wonderful conversation about everything from raising children to wind turbines. He spoke to me about his grandchildren and what it’s like to get old. I listened closely to the wisdom of a man who was forty years my senior until he said he had to get going. He gave me a hug goodbye and whispered in my ear, “Do you want to come home with me?” …Talk about ballsy. After I recovered from the shock, I quickly replied, “No, thank you.”

After another night filled with great music, I patiently waited for my cab on Superior Street. Bar close in downtown Duluth is an interesting experience. It can end up being the stuff of legends and it is not out of the ordinary for intoxicated individuals to attempt to make conversation. A passing man might say, “Word of advice…to myself. Don’t smoke pot from strangers. I don’t even know what I smoked.” I think that advice has merit.

An older gentleman on a bicycle may pass by, then turn around and stop in front of you. That conversation may go something like this…

Old man: “Do you smoke pot?”

You: “No.”

Old man: “What?! Do you drink?”

You: “Yes.”

Old man: “Want some vodka?”

He might then proceed to remove a Smart Water bottle from the holder on his bike and take a swig and try to pass it to you. Hopefully you would decline the offer.

Old man: “It’s my birthday.”

You: “Happy birthday.”

Old man: “You are beautiful, but I’m going to pedal on so I don’t creep you out.”

Too late.

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